Solo Comforts: the nature of an introvert

When summing up my personality to others, I often describe myself as an introvert.

A simple definition of an introvert is "a person who gains energy from being alone and loses energy in stimulating environments, such as social events" (Michaela Jung, Introvert Spring). If you are the opposite and gain energy from socialising and being surrounded by people, you'd be described as an extrovert. 

In our society, it is more commonly accepted to be an extrovert, given the pressure to be outside, make friends, find a relationship or make an impact on the community. Introverts are often alienated from such things, given their regular need to be alone and their preferences for activities different to those commonly associated with socialising, such as parties, nights out, drinking, or group trips.

Free image from Unsplash - credit to Jarle Johansen

Because of these habits, there is a common misconception that introverts are shy, bad-tempered, hermits, or generally unsociable. In reality, they are often the opposite and very much need relationships, but those relationships have to be deep, meaningful, and involve something more than small-talk or surface-level connections. Introverts may need alone-time not just to be away from others, but to 'recharge'; to rest from everyday social interactions and expectations, so they can be their full authentic selves in preparation for the relationships that mean most to them. They may still enjoy socialising, but many need solitude in-between socialising to replenish themselves. Thus, introverts won't necessarily be shy, awkward or grumpy during social events. In fact, we are more likely to be open and chatty if we have recharged beforehand and spend time with the right personalities. 

Another misconception is that introverts' need for solitude means they do nothing but sit at home, making cups of tea and watching TV or reading books. While this is true for some, many of us - myself included - enjoy the act of being alone in various circumstances, including things that would normally be classed as 'extrovert' activities, such as exploring cities, going travelling, going to the cinema, or grabbing coffee to people-watch or work on a creative project.

It took me a while to feel comfortable doing these things alone, initially feeling anxious whenever I dared to sit in a coffee shop alone with my laptop. I used to worry everyone was watching and judging me for being alone, especially in a place created for social interactions, like dates, catch-ups between friends, or time with family. Am I coming across the lonely one, the loner, the person who has no friends? But over time, I realised that ultimately, other people don't care what I'm doing since they're minding their own business.

I ended up spending most of my solo time in coffee shops, as well as doing various activities and inspiring trips alone, finding the freedom of living life on my own schedule empowering as well as relaxing. I found the routine especially helpful following big changes in my life, such as moving house, starting a new job, or breakups, as it reminded me of my own agency and that I can still look after myself during disruptive times. Many introverted people act in this manner, using free time to energise themselves and be inspired by the world around them, without feeling the pressure of being with others and instead feeling comfortable to be with themselves. 

As with anything, introvert personalities are a spectrum. No two are alike, some preferring the comfort of their own home and quiet time with a book compared to those who still wish to be active and engaged with their environments. Creativity is also common in introverts, using myself as an example. As a writer, I like to soak in inspiration from my surrounding world, particularly when I explore new places and find fresh ideas through their history, culture or community. 

Free image from Unsplash. Credit to Toa Heftiba

I'm not entirely sure why I decided to write this post now and not sooner, but if I had to give a reason, it would be that I've become truly proud of this part of my identity, and want to not only bring it to the forefront to promote myself, but also to educate on the art of 'introvert-ism' to those who may not understand it. I'm sure fellow introverts will recognise the fear of being judged for simply being themselves, so I hope this post helps clarify our misunderstood nature, while also reminding that we vary as people, just like anyone else. 

Over the years, I've found my introvert side has made way for a more extroverted side, given I've made friends that I really connect with and feel comfortable enough to be open and authentic with. Regardless, I always require regular periods of solitude to recharge, such as right now, while writing this post! Life has become so much busier, and chances for a proper recharge are getting fewer and further between, so it's important to make the most of them when they happen - even if you're not an introvert.